The Godfather hosts Kev and Off White Thunder for Anzac cookies and milk. This week they celebrate the life and times of lawnmower victim Martin McGoldrick: is he he our greatest ODI player of all time?
Emails From Around the World land from Finland, Penrith, India, Masterton and Muzza with a focus on the Tino pest, the Harsha incident, injured cricketers and the IPL.
Cricket Violence Corner is not in South Africa but is at Jadeja’s weddding with a sword and a revolver.
Off White Thunder and Kev head to Ben Burn Park to talk the week’s off-piste cricket happenings. They acknowledge NZ Test cricketer and artificial grass salesman Tim McIntosh and the Great Ben Stokes’ Mum Incident, provide a halfhearted run-down on Kiwis in the IPL, and get bamboozled by the “rising supergiants”.
Emails From Around the World target talent-makers and underperformers, the Sky NZ commentary team, Joseph Romanos, Dick Frizzell, Colin Munro’s serenity, Iron feeds our obsession with Marlborough with a great yarn about Bulfin & Bartlett, and the Woman Slayer checks in with a horse meat tale for the ages.
Cricket Violence Corner is in Compton this week, singing Bullets.
Matt: He’s an amazing cricket player. He’s incredible. He does our country proud and geez we’d love to have him playing for New Zealand. He’s an amazing, amazing cricket player. Incredible.
Deborah: I get that, but what I’m saying is, for my family — and a lot of my family have rung me and said ‘have you heard this, Deb?’ — I’m just really disappointed. Say those things and then temper it with some positives. Have a look on Twitter, see the likes of Kevin Pietersen, Tino Best, Graham Onions — all of those people giving him their support because they know that tomorrow is another day.
The Godfather and Kev head to Off White Thunder’s for some rosé and a cheeseburger to celebrate the cricketing life and times of Jesse Ryder, Black Cap Test player #141. The boys remember Adam Parore’s fattist remarks, and run through the big man’s batting averages and future prospects.
Emails From Around the World zero in on stumpings, geography, run outs, Ian Chappell and Sunil Gavaskar making things up, horse consumption and a stunning collection of name stats from rural Canterbury.
Violence Corner is foaming at the mouth in Scotland. The song is an epic throwback to an earlier time, an homage to big ol’ Jesse Ryder by that magnificent man The Woman Slayer.
Kev and The Godfather are recovering from a late Friday night watching the Black Caps degrade Steve Smith’s Australians at the home of the Dalai Lama. They celebrate the life and times of Test player #140, Gareth Hopkins, and his wife’s love of kiwifruit.
A smorgasbord of Emails From Around the World zero in on wasting India, Yashi’s excitement in Agra, Muzz on Hogan and Watto, an Indian shop owner in America, pitch prep in the UK, pouring sugar and the dearth of Kiwi cricketers called John is confirmed.
Violence Corner is with Virat Kohli and a 3-legged horse. The song is totally, utterly Indian and quite good.
The Godfather, Kev and Off White Thunder tip their caps to Martin Crowe, are stoked to hear from Blenheim’s Finnish Kiwi cricketer Karl Fitzpatrick and yarn about Black Cap #239, Aaron ‘Son of Rodney’ Redmond.
Emails From Around the World zero in on Hogan Crowe, a DVD for Akseli, a book called Johnny Midwicket and a little bit of Dale Steyn. Violence Corner is in Sheikhpura, Bihar State. The song is an incredible folk anthem by Roy Harper, first released in 1975.
“Best rejection letter ever: Sir Donald Bradman declines to comment for my Yr5 school project” via Jules Morrow (@julesmorrow)
With a swish of the Wonky Donkey Luke Ronchi‘s bat and Hamish Bennett clattering onto the Basin turf, it felt like the New Zealand cricket season had come to an end at the one-sided inter-island match on Sunday evening.
The reality is that there’s a dozen first-class matches to come in March, and the Black Caps will be in Mumbai, Nagpur, Dharamsala, Mohali and Kolkata at the World T20 event.
Presumably Kiwi fans – creepy flag wavers aside – will be few and far between as the ticketing process for the tournament has been an utter shambles. Some tickets were only released last week, about a fortnight before the games. If you were contemplating travelling the 12,000 kilometres to watch Kane steady the ship it seems only reasonable to expect some more certainty before now.
And speaking of Kiwi fans, surely David Warner was having a laugh when he hit the whinge button about the rudeness of our crowds. Hypocrisy to die for, or a wind-up that many have taken far too seriously? Or a bloke disappointed not to have scored a 50 in a Test series for the first time in his career, looking to run some interference to divert scrutiny?
The reality is that if your significant other has been involved in a ‘toilet tryst’ with an All Black and has a list of ex-boyfriends that reads like the Sports Hall of Fame (Braith Anasta – league; Matt Henjak – rugby; Matt Poole – surf lifesaving; Brent Staker – AFL; Anderson Luis de Abreu Oliveira – football; David Carney – football; Marcos Baghdatis – tennis) then it is going to be hard for punters to forget that when you’re fielding on the boundary and have a reputation for being brash and punchy.
For the record, the most abusive thing we saw all series was at the Basin Reserve. Warner was heckled by a man on the third man fence for a couple of overs. Sort of heckled. And sort of interviewed. At 100 decibels, the man was demanding to know if Mitchell Marsh had ever got him out in the nets. “I bet he hasn’t Davey ‘cos he’s useless isn’t he? Useless, you know it…” It was an Australian fan.
Yorkshire author and raconteur Joe Root writes about facing the Australians in The Ashes, after New Zealand had been and gone in its entrée role of a frustrating 2-Test series. “My first delivery, swung back into me by Mitchell Starc, was right on the money at 90 mph and struck me on the front pad as I jabbed down. ‘Jeez,’ I thought…From point, among a chain of expletives, David Warner shouted: ‘You’re not facing Trent Boult’s eighty-mile-an-hour-half volleys now, mate.”
If you haven’t seen property developer and cricket tragic Greg Olliver‘s magnificent Bankhouse property in the Waihopai Valley in Marlborough, you need to: 57 hectares, a cricket oval and a cricket pavilion await your click. To be sold by tender closing on March 18 – it is fair to say Beige Brigade HQ would rather see this gem crowdfunded than any old beach…
Congratulations to Sam Collins and Jarrod Kimber for winning the Television Sports Documentary of the Year for Death of a Gentleman, a fascinating 96-minute investigation into the way the ICC Ticks. Their words after winning: “In one sense, we wish we had never had to make this film in the first place, that cricket had better governance and the issues had been more widely reported. But it didn’t and they weren’t, and now that change finally appears to be in the air, we hope that DOAG has played a small part in getting people talking. Now we need to make sure that this change is tangible and lasting, because a great game deserves the chance to thrive.” There’s some nice back story from The Old Batsman here too.
Not cricket but Catch Me If You Can – the BBC’s investigation into athletics doping – and One Day in May about the harrowing Bradford City FC fire in 1985 were highly commended, and well worth hunting out with your cyberfingers.
Amazing. A remix by a Pakistan Super League fan. The Jav goes all Lawrence of Arabia on us.
READ: Like every other cricket writer on the planet, I wrote a thing about BrendonMcCullum. “He loves a beer. Or three. He is not the type of bloke you would expect to be popping the corks on a Dom Perignon and mowing into a super bowl of caviar. You get the feeling it’d suit him best if there was a telly with the Wingatui horse races on, somewhere close to that trio of beers too.” You should read Richard Irvine’s words, and Dylan Cleaver’s too. But you don’t need to read VVS Laxman’s.
LISTEN: The BYC Podcast is talking bodyline, Daniel Flynn, Nathan McCullum‘s groin, Finnish indoor cricket, players named after their bats, beer pong and the Marlborough meteor Gary Bartlett. Violence Corner is in Sri Lanka.
READ: Mike Selvey goes behind the scenes with the Melbourne Renegades in the Big Bash, where his mate David Saker is head coach. It’s a million-word piece roughly: “Clearly, something significant was happening in Australia, and I wanted to understand what it was that was bringing people in their thousands to games there, filling grounds with record crowds, or turning on their televisions by the million.”
READ: Nick Hoult on cricket in Rwanda. Includes the best photo of net practice on a suspension bridge I have ever seen. “Cricket was barely played in Rwanda before 1994. Haba started it up with seven friends; now there are 7,000 players nationwide…the sport is helping to balm wounds in a country where victims and perpetrators live side by side, and even play in the same teams.”
WATCH: Mark Richardson run Brendon McCullum out on his international debut in 2001 – and say sorry 15 years later.
15 long years ago Mark welcomed Brendon McCullum to international cricket, it didn’t end well . Now we finally hear the word sorry … Eventually
Middle & Leg is a cricket newsletter for New Zealand cricket fans who like a dose of optimism and a tablespoon of take the piss with their weekly cricket informational. It is tapped out by Paul Ford, co-founder of the Beige Brigade, and one-seventh of The Alternative Commentary Collective . You can email him here: email@example.com.
In the crypt of the NZ Cricket Museum, The Godfather, Kev & Off White Thunder talk about how they have stuffed up the player numbers, trawl through the museum’s epic collection, review Ashley Mallett’s breakfast yarn and are massively excited about Day 1 of NZ vs Australia at the Basin Reserve.
Kev brings in an impressive junior cricket certificate, and the song is 111 seconds of BMac-related shenanigans from Tom Knowles. And embarrassingly the lads do a selfie.
An Emails From Around the World lands from the Tai Tapu Express and Violence Corner has a week off.